Alexander’s Gonzo review of Sinema #03
(#1 0f 12 x-mas ambassador posts)

For the 1st of 12 x-mas posts I’m going to write about Treevenge! A short movie directed by Dartmouth, Nova Scotia’s Jason Eisener who made the exploitive grind-house masterpiece Hobo with a Shotgun. It begins with music from Cannibal Holocaust as bearded lumberjacks bearing plaid & Olympic logos are marching through the snow, grumbling vulgarities, armed with chainsaws & axes to chop, stomp & snap the trees, never to be replanted in their native soil.
The trees are shoved into customized death-vans to await their shredding & sale. The ones crooked, unfit for the living room are burnt to ashes. They hop & shake in fear speaking in high voices translated by festive subtitles asking “What did we ever do to them?” as consumers stare at them with sadistic eyes & scary grins. Humans dress them up in repulsive decorations & burning lights as x-mas commercials subliminally hypnotize it’s viewers to buy, buy, buy. The kids rip away at their gifts without recycling the wrapping paper. Eventually near the beginning of the end the trees fight back, uprising against suburban humanity, wrapping their branches around our necks, slivering down our throats & popping out of our eye sockets. They shoot stars into our chests, decapitating, ambushing & crushing our toddlers, invading every home, killing every naughty girl & boy.
It is quite horrifying to imagine.

Alex T.